Do-doo-doo-do-do
- Billy Dilley - We're subterranean
- Billy Dilley - You're such a brainy kid
- Billy Dilley - It's fascinating how
- Billy Dilley - It's complicated now
- Billy Dilley - Situation critical
- Billy Dilley - I hope it's fixable
- Billy Dilley - Oh oh-oh-oh-oh ooh
Billy Dilley
- MAN ON TV: Cheese and how it's made. - MARSHA: Hey, guys.
It all begins in the field.
Who's ready to help me do some decorating?
- Hey, Zeke, look what I found. - Uh, what is it?
I don't know.
But it'll make the perfect wall art.
(SCREECHES)
- Billy, you wanna help me decorate? - Normally, I would, Marsha,
but I've got some very important decorating of my own to do.
No ant farm would be complete without a working tractor.
There you go, Vern. And here's a hat for Elmer.
And don't think I forgot about you, Wyatt. You get your very own mechanical bull.
Sorry 'bout that, Wyatt.
Oh, Billy! That's so adorbs!
You have to let me help you decorate your little ant farm.
So, where do I start?
- Uh... the ants. - They're so cute!
They're also exhausted, what with all the excitement and all.
All right then.
Let the little dears have their power nap.
I'll be in my room when you're ready.
Can't wait.
Can't wait to kiss your ant farm good-bye.
- What? - Billy, in case you haven't noticed,
I'm pretty sure Marsha is a card-carrying klutz.
I think she's just having a bad day.
- (CRASHING) - (MARSHA LAUGHING)
- Who put that there? - (CRASHING)
You were saying?
Marsha, can I speak to you a minute?
Um, I really did want you to help me with my ant farm,
but I think, uh,
you might be sort of a klutz, so...
A what?
I, uh, I was merely saying you might be kind of...
- A klutz? - Something wrong?
I may be a lot of things...
but one thing I'm not is a klutz!
If I can't tell her she's a klutz,
then the only way to keep my ant farm safe
is to somehow avoid...
- What's up, Billy? - Hi, Marsha.
Can I decorate your ant farm now?
Uh... you can help me,
right after you gather the correct accoutrements.
Accoutre-what?
You can't just throw any old ribbons or glitter
on this enclosure.
You need rare and precious prehistoric tube coral
to glue around the sides here.
Too bad the only place to get it is deep on the ocean floor.
guarded by man-eating sabretooth salmon.
That seems awfully time consuming.
Exactly.
I mean, I know.
I guess I better get a move on then.
That should keep her busy for a while.
- Whew! - Wow.
that was rough. I don't know what was worse...
holding my breath under the ocean floor,
or avoiding the sabretooth salmon.
Anyway, here's the tube coral.
Great job.
You know, I just remembered,
I think I forgot to put my mold out to fester.
What about the tube coral, Billy?
There's not a lot of time.
If I can't hide from her, then I have no resort
than to kick it into phase two.
Hey, Zeke, check it out.
Is it time to decorate yet? I've got the perfect color for the barn.
Marsha, look. I got you a present.
Ooh, I love presents.
What could it be?
Billy, what is this?
- It's a hat. - This isn't a hat.
- It isn't? - No.
- It's a fashion statement! - Whew.
How do I look, Zeke?
Uh...
And it's perfect for painting, too.
Guess what, Zeke. That wasn't actually just a hat.
(SNICKERS)
It's a bio-magnetic proprioception appropriator.
It lets me remote control Marsha. Watch.
This is odd.
I guess I'm going this way.
See? It's gonna save my precious ant farm
from Marsha's klutzing.
- Must decorate... - Oh, no, you don't.
Pause, pause, pause, pause.
Success.
Billy?
- Yeah. Sorry about that, Marsha. - No biggie.
But there is far more to limburger cheese...
- What am I gonna do, Zeke? - Hang on, Billy.
Limburger cheese has a dark and frightening secret.
(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)
That's it!
MARSHA: Oh, Billy.
I've got my bedazzling kit.
Billy! Where are you, Billy?
(GHOSTLY NOISES)
Marsha... oh!
Marsha!
You must never touch Billy's ant farm.
Terrible things will happen to you.
(SHRIEKING)
Billy's been eaten by a ghost!
(SCREAMING)
Go, limburger, go! You can do it.
(ALL SCREAMING)
Zeke, we have to do something to cure Marsha's klutziness.
Billy, you're right.
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING RESUMES)
Okay, we're just gonna need six red pipe cleaners,
a sample of Marsha's brain tissue, and...
- Fascinating. - (SQUAKS)
It's a klutzasaurus.
Probably.
(STRAINING, BRAIN THROBBING)
I've got it!
- The formula that will cure Marsha. - Formula?
Klutz plus klutz equals unklutz.
Simple math.
I'm sure the ghost has left by now.
Here she comes.
Go time. Prepare the payload.
Dart.
And now, for the anti-klutz serum.
You're on, little buddy. Do your stuff.
Bingo. Target approaching range.
Steady, Zeke. Over.
Missed. Over.
Oh, no. She's heading back into the house.
I'm going in.
Marsha, don't go inside the house, okay?
Oh, hi, Zeke. Why don't you want me to go inside?
- Did the ghost come back? - What? No, uh...
I've, uh... I'm... I'm having a really hard day.
Oh, do you want a hug?
Um, I... sure.
Phew.
Oh, no. Zeke's been hit by friendly fire. Over.
Ah! I'm doomed!
Oh, no. It's already started.
Zeke, why is there a dart on your forehead?
Sorry, Zeke. That was meant for Marsha.
What? That dart was meant for me?
Billy's gone rogue!
Zeke, I will avenge thee.
'Tis merely a flesh wound.
Marsha, it's not what it looks like.
It looks like you're trying to hit me with a dart.
Okay, scratch that.
Then it is what it looks like.
If you'd just hold still, Marsha, then I could...
- Why are you trying to shoot me? - I'm trying to cure you, Marsha.
Hey, it' a dimetrodon. An angry one.
You're trying to cure me? Of what?
Marsha, you're a klutz,
and I didn't want you to destroy my ant farm.
Why didn't you just say so?
Because I didn't want you...
Because I didn't want you to beat me up.
Billy, I wouldn't have beaten you up.
Though I kinda want to beat you up now
for acting so ridiculous.
Besides, there's a reason I've been acting so klutzy lately.
Boy-yo-yo-oing, what?
I got a bug bite this morning. See?
A bug bite?
And I've been klutzy ever since.
So it's only temporary.
Fascinating.
Hmm.
I think I know what she's so upset about.
Here you are, Mama Saur.
Safe and sound.
Fascinating.
Sorry about chasing you through the forest,
and trying to shoot you with saliva-covered darts, Marsha.
And I'm sorry for endangering your ant farm, Billy.
Put it there, lab friend.
Oops! I guess the bug bite hasn't worn off yet.
BILLY: Zeke, Zeke, Zeke, Zeke, Zeke, Zeke.
Have you see my belly button lint ball?
I can't find it anywhere.
I usually keep it right here in my belly button.
But it's missing and I... oh, wait, wait.
Never mind. It was here all along.
That's great, Billy.
Boy, am I relieved. For a second there, I thought I...
- Zeke. - Yes, Billy.
- What are you doing? - Eating breakfast.
Out of your shoe? Fascinating.
Yep. But when you're living the X-Factor lifestyle,
nothing is too extreme.
The X-Factor?
That's what the Zekester's all about.
Eh?
Fascinating.
It appears to be a size nine,
Modern Mukluk with pleather insole, leather outsole,
triple stitched mud guard with a foot bed shanked peep toe.
Yep, it's a boot.
There's something weirdly familiar about that size nine.
(SCREAMING) Yeah, dude!
Wait. I know that logo. Could it be?
Ah, yeah!
Yeah, baby!
That marks the 1,999th extreme stunt
delivered by yours truly...
Tommy X.
- Tommy Eggs? - Not Tommy Eggs. His name is...
Tommy X! X, X, X.
Tommy X is only the most awesome
extreme stuntman on cable TV. What?
Sounds like someone's a Tommy fan.
(GIGGLES) I'm Zeke. Big, big fan.
- Oh, why did I say that? - Yeah, well...
Have my autograph.
(SQUEALS)
You want one, too, 'fro bro?
- No, thanks. - Wait, what?
I have to check on my plant dandruff.
Sleep tight, my flaky little angels.
- Fascinating. - Fascinating.
- So, Tommy, where were we? - Where are we, is the question.
Welcome to the center of the Earth. And welcome back to your boot.
Oh, not just any boot.
I've worn this boot in every stunt I've ever done.
Kind of like this patch of poison oak right here
that I've been cultivating since the third grade.
That's right, little man. Own that oak.
- The X-Factor is strong in this one. - I'm pretty sure it's even stronger in me.
Do you remember when you got hopped up on Krud Kola,
and jumped four tubs of guacamole on a seg... whoa!
- That was so awesome. - You know your stuff, bro-seph.
Now you gonna show me around or what?
- Tommy X wants me to show... - I mean, wait up, bro-seph.
Okay, Tommy, you're gonna love this.
I've been piecing this together for a while now.
I call it the Tommy X.
We can take it out for a spin. You know, do some stunts.
Then maybe we could... Huh?
Hey, guys.
- How's it rollin'? - Hey, Billy.
(STRAINING)
- (BONES CRACKING) - Uh-oh.
I think we better get going, Tommy.
Remember we were gonna hit the old bike trail.
Tommy?
You got the Factor X!
(BOTH BABBLING)
Tommy, wait up.
I got the X-Factor, too! See?
Oh, Billy.
Listen, I know you mean well and all, but I need to ask you...
Billy, are you even listening? (SHRIEKS)
- Oh, hey, Zeke. - (SHRIEKS)
I see you've met Skela-Billy.
- Skelly, meet Zeke. - Actually, Billy,
I was wondering if you could do me a favor.
Anything for you, buddy.
You want me to put bologna in your tennis shoes?
Do you want me to organize your scab collection?
Do you want me to braid your toe hairs?
You want me to tape your nostrils together?
- Do you want me... - Billy!
I need you to do nothing.
- Boy-yo-yo-oing nothing? - Yes. Nothing.
Just stand here silently and do nothing.
Do you think you can do that for your old pal Zekester, Billy?
Billy?
Now for some hang time with Tommy.
X!
(SLURPING)
Zeke! What up, home slice?
I found some puddles of green muck nearby
that look just like guacamole.
Was thinking we could maybe go jump over 'em or something.
I, uh, wrote down where they were.
- Wanna? - Excellent.
Only let's not bring the map. More chance of getting hurt that way.
X!
So there I was, covered in hot sauce
and surrounded by donkeys. What in the X is that?
- It looks like... Billy. - But what's he doing?
- He's supposed to be doing nothing. - Nothing?
Yeah, nothing you'd be interested in.
Come on, Tommy, let's go find that...
Oh! Now this is what I'm talking about.
Doing absolutely nothing.
This is what the X-Factor's all about, bro-ham.
You go on ahead.
I'll be right here doing absolutely nothing with Billy.
Fascinating.
Oh, yeah. My main man, Billy.
Whoa!
Tommy, Tommy, have you seen my belly button lint ball?
I usually keep it right here in my belly button.
Uh, hang on.
There's supposed to be some lint in here.
Dang it, dang it!
You okay, bro?
No, Tommy, this isn't me.
I'm nothing like Billy at all.
I was just trying to get you to hang out with me.
You're telling me you did all this
- just to get my attention? - Yeah.
Whoa, that's, like, the realest thing I've ever heard.
- Off the charts X-Factor, baby. - It is?
To tell you the truth, I need someone like you.
Someone to tell it like it is.
To be real, and also willing to break every bone in their body.
So what do you say, Zeke?
Do you wanna be the next Tommy X?
- Your boot. - Take it, my child.
It's beautiful.
So does that mean we're gonna hang out now.
(LAUGHS) Of course, kid.
But first, we've got stunts to do.
- TOMMY: X! - ZEKE: Tommy!
(SCREAMS)
(ZAPS)
(THUDS)
(GRUNTS)
- Make it stop! - We can't make it stop now, Zeke.
You haven't even broken any bones yet.
I know I've left a big boot to fill, Zeke, but you're not alone.
I'll be here, inspiring you, flinging you like a rag doll.
I'll always be right here.
Forever.
I mean, it's not like I'm going anywhere any time soon.
Right?
ZEKE: Ah, or maybe you are.
- That oughta show 'em. - Exhausting. Hey, what's that?
Same thing it was last time you asked.
- It's a jabby stick. - Up there.
Looks like some imbecile's about to attempt
- an impossible stunt. - Let's go!
Batter up. Huh?
What the...
- Zeke-meister, what's all this? - Hey, Tommy ex-X.
Oh, not much. I was just, like, using everything you taught me to,
you know, create and execute the world's most righteous stunt
in the history of punishing oneself for the amusement of others!
Pretty cool, huh?
Well, I guess it's time I'll get this party started.
Wouldn't wanna keep my fans waiting.
(CHEERING WEAKLY)
You know how they are, right, Tommy?
(GROWLING)
- Zeke, wait. - Yes, Tommy?
I know you were looking forward to this.
In a way, so was I,
even though I had no idea it was gonna happen,
but I'm afraid you're not ready.
Just a second.
(GASPS) Not ready?
- Of course I am. - Shhhh!
And one day, you will be ready.
But until that day, I'm gonna need that boot back.
- This boot? - Sorry, buddy.
Tommy X is back!
(CHEERING WEAKLY)
Now step aside, hombre,
and watch the master at work.
X!
- (GASPING) - Later, bros!
Wow.
Well, I guess everybody is back in their original habitat.
Sorry things didn't work out with you
and the most awesome extreme stuntman on cable TV, Zeke.
That's okay, Billy.
I walked a mile in my hero's boot,
and what do I have to show for it? Foot fungus.
Maybe people just shouldn't wear each other's boots.
Or taste them.
Yeccchhhh!
- You know what would taste good right now? What's that, Zeke?
A little breakfast with my buddy Billy.
- Out of a shoe? - I don't think so.
- BILLY: How about out of a sandal? - ZEKE: Nope.
- BILLY: Clog? - ZEKE: Uh-uh.
- BILLY: Rain boot? - ZEKE: No.
- BILLY: Galosh? Penny loafers? - ZEKE: No.
- BILLY: Quarter loafers? - (ZEKE GROANS)
I said you've got the wrong number
For the right guy
I'll do the job for you
Just pay the price
Run, run, run away
Baby, stick to the plan
Whoo whoo
Run, run, run away
Catch me if you can